This is for fun purposes only, any resemblance to actual characters in Cybertown is purely intentional with their permission and malice before none!

Newsbroke April, 2090
by jdb_educator and Rkgbiologist38

News at 11:  

CVN Staffers Kidnapped By Aliens  

CNN- dateline Cybertown: It was learned late today and verified by our secret sources that 175 CVN writers have been kidnapped and removed to an alien planet named "Spring" in the Andromeda system, nogonnawrite sector.  

When contacted for his view of this startling development, jdb_educator noted, between snores, "Same old, same old. It happens every year. And hey, I'm looking for the Cybertown Beach Bum title, myself."  

Looking tired, with that rare-but exotic, cat dragged in the river quality, the aging Managing Editor told us, "Look, I just came off of a marathon 12 hour nap. As much as I hate it, I gotta get some work done here.*turns on the heat lamp* Now, if you guys at CNN will lend us some writers, we can get out this Thursday's issue." CNN Management was unresponsive, and unavailable for comment.

 CVN secret sources yawningly tried to confirm that Spring Fever has indeed broken out among the captives on Spring planet and they are dropping like alien flies!  When asked for comment, Asst. CVN Managing Editor, RkgBiolgst38, found gazing at her garden, was all green thumbs and stated forcefully, that she would "fight" current CVN Managing Editor, jdb_educator, "for the Beach Bum title."  Sources now say that this fight could get extremely lazy...  Asked about the Spring Fever reportedly spreading on Spring planet among the CVN captives, she nodded and stated that "Spring Fever is highly contagious, but not fatal."

 
WAR Declared

SIC (Sports Illustrated-Cybertown)broke the story that Rkgbiolgst and jdb_educator are scheduled to round off in Madison Square Garden, June 31st, in 24 rounds of incredible non-action! The award? No world championship, no 20 million dollar purse! No, no, no..It is ALL for the coveted, long desired, Cybertown Beach Bum Title. Tune in to "Bums of Steel" coming to ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS and FOX as well as your International theater and shopping channels near you soon.*   *Production will be slightly delayed in staffing this non-event, financing this fiasco,  casting this bomb, script writing this turkey, producing this loser, advertising this "marvellous creation" and the distribution of a loss leader.. -"Everything Promised and Nothing Delivered.com solemnly promises.

 
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, NY. 
UPDATE: Sources inside MSG state with satisfaction that a corner basement room will be set aside for the WAR between one RkgBiolgst38 and one jdb_educator.  No  further arrangment, coverage, or cleaning crew will be provided, arranged or possible in that closet.Vegas is offering 10-1 in favor of rkgbiolgst38. Jimmy the Geek is quoted as saying "Shoo fly, she's got it nailed! Jimmy predicted"jdb won't wake up until he's at the pary."

Sources inside Cybertown report that tensions, fear, anguish, and slow burning disinterest are high and CVNers are slowly beginning to take sides, when they can find their keyboard.

 
Apathy Crawls Amok
by Divine_Miss_M, Inner Realms, BL: special to CVN

      In an effort to capture the, er, rabid malaise squashed by these war reports generated between jdb_educator and Rkgbiolgst38, this reporter attempted to poll CVN and Cybertown residents on the desired outcome. No one cared. Undaunted, this reporter spent hours on sunset beach, before conducting an "Alien on the Street" poll on the planet Spring. Most were unresponsive, those who could actually speak didn't care. There were two actual live-though barely audible- responses! One chauvinistic alien mumbled, "Give it to da broad--she hasn't worked for it." His wife disagreed, wheezing "All jdb does is nap, Rkgbiolgst gardens, for heavens sake!"